Piece of Shit Car

For the sake of posterity, a friend wanted me to post this ad I wrote on Craigslist a year ago.  I did end up offing the car to a newlywed couple that was expecting for $400, even though scrap would have gotten me $550.  Figured they needed it more than I did.

If you’re looking for the best deal in town on a car that does the bare minimum, this is the car for you!

For anyone looking for a car on a budget, this car is guaranteed not to cost much.  The engine runs well, but just recently started to smoke a little.  The paint job has completely lost its clear coating, but that’s nothing to worry about since the paint job has been livened up to include a few spots of rust.  The brakes are starting to go as well, but the rotors are fine so just a quick change of pads would be a minimal additional expense.

For all the parents out there, this is the PERFECT car for your teenage kids.  None of your kid’s friends will ever want a ride home with your child and the epic paint job is guaranteed to not get your kids any side action until after they leave home.

For all the rich people out there looking to hide your wealth, driving down the road in this car will surely look like you don’t have more than mere pennies to your name.

For anyone who worries about getting your car stolen, I leave the keys in the car when I go into stores and not a car thief in the metro St. Louis area has even considered taking this car.

If you’re looking for features, this car has the best of the 90s.  A CD player that doesn’t work.  A cassette player that doesn’t work and semi-blown speakers, that surprisingly still sound pretty good.  There’s a leak with the coolant, so the a/c doesn’t work.  The leather seats are starting to come apart at the seams, but don’t let that hold you back because all the automatic locks work and it comes with two sets of keys.  That’s right folks!  Not one, but TWO sets of keys!

To be honest, this car is borderline scrap, but it does run and has been very dependable over the years.  The engine is peppy, powerful, sounds great and gets decent gas mileage for a car this size.  A little TLC from a mechanic and I’m sure there’s a few more years of life out of her.  If you want it, I’ll consider any offer.

I’m now driving another piece of shit, but I have other plans for it… stay tuned.


Professional firefighter since 2008 and web developer since 1999. Husband, father, musician, writer, Scouter... I'm the swiss-army geek in your back pocket.

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